I sometimes live in the nostalgia of the community life in which I was raised. I lived in a divergent society but yet closely knitted. I remember how we played from house to house with neighbours turned friends that we still keep even after thirty years. Our lives were the real-life version of today’s online games, but with people of known addresses, known identities and who could not hide behind the keyboards to be who they are not. We played everything from football (soccer), table soccer, draft, ludo and some dangerous games that led to physical harm; those scars remind us of our past, our journey from way back. I remember playing soccer with soap that led to the death of my neighbour’s puppy (I know they will laugh hard reading this).
Parenting then was not easy and it is still not easy now. However, parents were not afraid or intimidated to “discipline” someone else’s child for wrongdoing. In fact, if you dare not report to your parents that “Mr. A” punished you for a wrong, you might receive double punishment. Our parents usually come together in the evening to chat about their days, their findings, and happenings in a similar version to today’s Whatsapp groups. I remember the day my mum called me in the evening to bring the shoe I just wore to school for the first time because she wanted our neighbour to have a look at her good bargain; low and behold, I forgot the shoe in school after playing football (soccer)😊. (Maybe that’s why I am careful with my children hahaha).
While these were ongoing, we had a sizeable number of families living behind locked flats whose children were not allowed to go out or mix with others apart from going to school or church. Obviously, the children didn’t like the lack of freedom we enjoyed and to make the matter worse, we teased them by calling them names. In retrospect, their parents must have acted contrary to the norm based on what they considered the best for their children. I remember some of them going to visit their friends at any opportunity they had to be outside the house.
Between then and now, I began to see how I was becoming the people I used to tease. My journey from Ikirun (a smaller town) to Lagos (an urban city) revealed a different issue, the wide gap between the lower and middle classes yet coexisting in the same neighbourhood. The middle class could afford to live in flats while the lower class was living in overcrowded apartment buildings without gates. There was a need for the demarcation because the middle class did not want their children to be influenced by their society. I then slide into the life I once considered not normal. I know cultures change and societies evolve, many of us found ourselves living in communities at variance with the one in which we grew.
Today I have concerns for our children, I want them to live in a community similar to the one in which I grew up. I desire a community where parents can learn and share their experiences, and where older parents can inspire younger ones. A community where we are free to disagree on issues without being toxic, a community where tribe, religion and race are insignificant.
The picture of my growing up wasn’t all rosy, it had its challenges that come with exposing ourselves, especially our children. There were cases of peer influence into bad behaviours, physical and sexual abuses by “trusted” family members and neighbours, and other issues that accompany lowering one’s guard to “trusted” friends. Many of those ills were either underreported or never reported at all, it’s thus difficult to compare the prevalence between then and now in our various communities. The number incidents today are saddening, despite our living in different kinds of communities.
We are bombarded with myriads of internet groups, especially Whatsapp groups. Many such groups have become platforms for show-offs, some with topics on anything ranging from politics, religion, and hot topics with daily messages running into hundreds. It’s no strange that many such groups are on perpetual mute and are visited once in a while. Religious groups, colleagues at work, and personal relationships remain the backbone for many people who are fortunate to have formed alliances with experienced and trusted people.
What will happen if we continue this way? This is an open-ended question. Will we have fragmented societies, broken people and families, and half-backed adults from broken parents? Definitely, something is not right and we cannot continue this way. That was what led to the creation of Positive Vibes Support, a supportive community that believes in the power of unity to raise the next generation. Our mission is to provide a platform where parents and caregivers can come together to share their experiences, insights, and challenges.
Positive Vibes Support is a focused community with an interest in family, health, and technology. Join us and be a part of a movement to revive the essence of community-based parenting support. Here’s to rekindling the spirit of togetherness, embracing positivity, and building a stronger foundation for our children’s growth. Welcome to our community of compassion, understanding, and Positive Vibes!
